Oh great….

6 Jul

I am one of those losers who starts a blog then writes 3 posts and never writes again.  Well I promise to continue to write and make fun of dbag celebrities…..Stay tuned.

Nicole Richie Goes Green…sike!

18 Oct

I hate hate hate when celebrities make ridiculous claims about being environmentalists and Earth lovers.  I just heard Nicole Richie being interviewed on E! at some Toyota party explaining to the reporter (can we call those idiots that still?) that her family is “plastic free” and they are “in the process of making their house 100% green.”  Umm suga tits isn’t your garage part of your “home”?  Pretty sure your shiny black Mercedes and your hubs’ Cadillac Escalade are quite the opposite of being green.  If you are going to be “totally green” your skinny ass needs to be cruising around town in Toyota’s PHV or Chevy’s Volt.  I happen to be one of those dbags whose whip is a Prius.  I am not doing it because I love the environment, I could give two shits about the way I am leaving this shit hole when I die.  I just so happen to like getting good gas mileage.  I will be the judge on your eco friendliness and my ruling states the only thing green is the discharge in your Hanky Panky’s.

SOOO once again Nicole Richie…Shut up you are stupid.

Jay-Z gets ready to welcome 1st child, I mean 2nd… or 12th?

27 Sep

How thrilled was everyone to hear the latest news about Jay Z and Beyonce expecting their first child?  You didn’t care, you say? Well, if your response was anything like mine, it went something like this, “Wonder how many bastard children he has floating around the planet earth??”  Sure as shit, reports of baby momma drama started to surface. Shenelle Scott is claiming her 9-year-old son’s father is Big Pimpin’ himself.  I did a lil research on Ms. Scott and everyone put your surprised face on: she was/is a model and ex rap video vixen.  Totally out of left field with that one, Jay!

So, how was Jay to the Z y’all able to keep this child on the downlow for so long?  Of course, dolla dolla bills yo.  Shenelle Scott reportedly received $1 million, regular child support payments and a house to “go away.”  You go girl!  Like most of you, I do not, nor will I ever know much about this woman but one can only hope she is being a good mother to this poor unwanted child.

Now, back to Jay-Z and Beyonce.  Maybe Beyonce did not know of this love child and is just now finding this out like the rest of the world, but let’s just say she knew about all of this.  Why the hell would you want to have a child with a man who doesn’t give a shit about the children he already has?  Why are women so stupid?  I’m not hating on the process of procreation, but I’ve never understood people who have kids with dead beat dads.  You think this time he is going for the Father of the Year Award? I doubt it, sista.  No, the real problem I have with all of this is Jay-Z getting all excited about being a father.  You realize this same exciting time happened with another women you boned 9 and a half years ago, don’t you?!?  Why does this child with Beyonce matter and the one you currently have does not?  I am sure each and every one of you has known a man like I am describing: multiple children with different mothers that he pays child support to and pretends don’t exist, but then he gets married and has a child with his wifey and loves the shit out of the kid.  I can understand being a total dead beat dad to all of your kids more than I can picking just one of your baker’s dozen to love and cherish.

So, no J and B, I will not be sending you anything off your Babies R Us gift registry.  You are a couple that is trying to look nice from the outside and I call bullshit, I hate fake…well, of course, unless we are talking about boobs,  in which case I love.

Moral of the story, people?  If you have more than one child take care of that child and baby momma with the same respect and love you will your wife’s child.  These unwanted kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world.  That was your choice, so it is your responsibility to make things right.

Oh and Beyonce good job on using your pregnancy to cover up getting fat.  Go girl!

My brain is rotting…I am sure yours is too.

20 Sep

It has recently been brought to my attention that I do a pretty good job making fun of people.  One would think if these things really annoyed me as much as I claim they do I would just turn the tv off, right?  I have a love/hate relationship with reality television.  It isn’t like Alex Mccord is holding a gun to my head forcing me to watch her skinny, gross ass on her latest “faux-to shoot.”  No, I choose to watch this garbage by my own free will.  I am not proud and am beginning to hate myself more and more each day.  Note to self: work on this immediately.  Until then, let’s go ahead and bash these d-bags we call “reality stars.”  I would like Kim Kardashian to be today’s topic of conversation.

For starters, why exactly is Kim Kardashian considered a role model?  This comes a few years after she had a monkey bar for a dick in her mouth and then in her butt?  Did you forget about that, people?  Her rise to fame went something like this: sex tape with R&B star’s lil brother, getting pissed on like a fire hydrant, Playboy, E! show.  Role model to young girls comes in where again?  I am really confused.  No seriously, enlighten me people.  I had the pleasure of watching a clip for this said sex tape last night.  I laughed hard and long just like Ray J’s dick.  If you have not had the opportunity to check it out for yourself, no worries, just imagine a chocolate flavored billy club being deep throated by Princess KK… which brings me to my next point.  Anyone else find it funny when her family refers to themselves as the “Klan” while Kim deep throats dark donkey dick?

Oh, and Kimberly Kardashian you have not had any plastic surgery? I call Bullshit.  Tis no secret that I myself have dabbled in fillers and a nip or tuck here and there.  And I promise you I will continue to broaden my horizons in the field of plastic surgery for years to come.  So, please don’t think I am being a “h8ter.”  Honestly, I wish she would dish her surgeon’s name  because I think he did a fab job on her nose.  The problem I have is lying about having it done at all.  I don’t need a detailed list of everything you’ve undergone thus far– just a simple comment to the effect of, “Sure did” would suffice.  Let’s be honest sweet fart, you did not look like you presently do three years ago.  Once again, I come back to the “role model to American girls” is hard for me to understand.  Why are you telling girls across the nation to love themselves when you clearly do not?  What you really are saying is love who you are until you make enough money to change everything about yourself (then lie about it).  If you think she hasn’t spent your parents annual income in botox this year you are a fucking idiot.

I don’t know what else to say, so I’m going to go drown my sorrows in some wine… until next time.

eat shit dumb fucks,

KT

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